According to the National Centre for Health Statistics in the U.S.. UU., Divorce affects millions of children annually. Most parents in divorce proceedings makes some rather difficult questions about the effect the separation will have on their children and how they will find meaning to what is happening.
How children react to their parents when the family has these changes? Does it meet a new partner from their parents, and perhaps brothers? Will he have his rendition school? Is isolated from friends, may suffer permanent emotional damage?
“No matter how old the child, he or she will have more difficulty in adjusting to divorce if they feel a continuing conflict between their parents,” said Dr. Deb Huntley, professor of psychology at Argosy University, Twin Cities, USA. “Other factors adding to this difficulty include: loss of contact with one parent, financial difficulties, change of address, loss of continuity in school and household routines, and psychological problems of the parent who gets custody.”
Huntley noted that some studies show that divorce causes negative effects on children, others have found no significant effects and a few have shown positive effects. “Research shows that children of divorce are more likely to experience behavioural problems, more psychological symptoms, lower academic achievement, more social difficulties and low self-esteem than children from intact families,” notes Dr. Huntley. But many psychologists and family counsellors warn that the gap between children of divorce and marriage together is less than what you think: children of both groups have more similarities than differences. The question to ask, then, is: “What children show a negative impact before the divorce?”
Huntley says that according to the overall results of the studies in this field, men seem to have more difficulty adjusting to divorce than girls, and young children in general suffer more before the divorce than older children. Preschool children show disadvantages to understand the significance of parental separation and confusion and anxiety can manifest. “It’s not unusual to see these children in a regression to earlier developmental stages, such as thumb sucking or bedwetting. They tend to fall into the belief that if they had behaved better, the parent would not have gone , “the psychologist.
Children who already attend elementary school better understand this loss and may experience sadness and depression. “There is a widespread fantasy that the parents will be reunited. Adolescents may feel anger and blame to one parent, but also experience insecurity about their own ability to maintain a lasting relationship,” says the professional consulted.
Following are some tips suggested by Dr. Huntley for the children to assimilate new divorce and family situations, regardless of sex or age:
Going through a divorce. The perspective of children
- I do not get in the middle. If you need to talk, please, do you only.
- Do not make me choose sides. No longer have a husband or wife, but I still I have a mother and a father. When possible, tell me something positive about each other.
- Unless there is an abusive situation, allow me to be with them. Keep this in mind when deciding where you are going to move.
- The more you bring forth you, can I assimilate better your divorce.
- Ask me how I’m wearing and what I need. Even when you yourselves are around trying to will adapt to your loss, I need to talk to you about what is happening.
- Trying to keep unchanged the rest of things in my life. It’s stressful to lose a parent due to divorce, but it is even harder to change school, neighbourhood and home.
- Remember that I am your son. Even if you are going through a divorce, my role is not to replace your spouse or to be your friend. Continue treating me like your little. 8. If you need to talk to someone about what you are going, look for a friend or a therapist. It is too much for me having to carry your problem too.
- No matter what my age, this will always mean a loss for me. I can express my grief in different ways, even as anger, depression, anxiety, or trying to get attention. Please help me if I have problems.
- I miss the continuity, routine and tradition. Although our family has changed, has retained many traditions and routines as you can.